I am Jedi Master Adi Gallia

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Emeril cancelled

This is so not fair. They canceled our taping of Emeril Live! They said that Emeril caught a cold and couldn’t possible work through it. Pshaw, we Jedi have to go out and make peace when we have colds. Actually, we try not to catch colds, cause when we do Yoda forces us to drink his special concoction. Talk about gross. Anyway, we on the council have decided to encourage the Jedi to start taking classes at the CCC (Coruscant Community College) because knowledge is power. They had a class called Chemistry that was described as fun with dangerous chemicals. Sounds interesting, I’m going to sign up tomorrow.


By the way, interesting party Windu. I stopped by for a few minutes, but didn’t stay because you didn’t have any margaritas. Aayla did look a little different didn’t she? Hmm, I’ll go talk to her.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Emeril

Oh, My, God. I am so excited!!! Emeril Live is going to have a salute to Jedi night! He wants all of the Jedi to come! I love Emeril, and he wants the Jedi to summit their favorite recipes and he will pick 5 to make. I am going to summit my special Margarita Marinated Beef. I will bring my top secret margarita mix to use. A pinch of this, and a splash of that and....















BAM!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Mygeeto

Ok, so I was sent on a diplomatic mission to Mygeeto. I am not a very good speaker, so diplomatic missions are not my thing. But, Yoda knew it was on the way back from my every three month visit to Key West. (He hasn’t figured out about the Jimmy Buffett meetings yet though. He doesn’t really like Jedi to join non-Jedi organizations)
So after discussing Jimmy Buffett at length with my fellow Parrot Heads, and deciding to go to the next concert, I was off to Mygeeto. I did a little research about the people there on my onboard computer while I was in hyperspace, and it is a good thing I did. Yoda failed to tell me that the people of Mygeeto (Mygettoians, Mygeetonites, Mygeetoers, I don’t know) have a very long and fancy welcome ceremony. If you don’t know what to say or do at the right time in the ceremony, you cause great uproar and they feel dishonored. Well luckily I had a long way to go in hyperspace, so I had time to memorize the ceremony.
When I got there, I was immediately escorted to the ceremonial welcoming chamber. The problem was, after ten hours in hyperspace, I really had to pee. I mean REALLY bad. They started the ceremony right away, and I knew I couldn’t get out of it. I had read that the ceremonies usually lasted between 30 to 45 minutes depending on how important the person was. But I really had to go, and I was very afraid I would wet my pants.
As a Jedi, I can hide my emotions pretty well, but after 10 minutes, I was fidgeting and praying I could hold it. After 15 minutes, I was pressing my legs together so hard, I was starting to cramp. And at 25 minutes, I knew I could hold it no longer, and I broke out running towards where I had seen a restroom sign on the way in.




Oh, my god. I just barely made it in time. The bathrooms were nice on Mygeeto. But when I came out of the bathroom, my robe was stuck in my pants and my underwear was showing! Luckily I noticed before too many people saw me. I think I only passed about 20 people in the hall before I figured out why they were staring. The good thing was that the mission didn’t fail, the people said that the whole welcome ceremony is a waste of time anyway and that they were thinking of not doing it any more anyway.

I am so embarrassed.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I have been tagged

Shoot. Somebody tagged me with this silly survey. Ok, here it goes.

10 years ago I was:
Listening to Jimmy Buffett
Training Siri
Wishing I was on the council

5 years ago I was:
Listening to Jimmy Buffett
Watching Emeril Live
Flying circles around others (even Anakin)
Wishing they would kick me off the council

1 year ago I was:
Listening to Jimmy Buffett
Watching Emeril Live
Hoping Anakin would stop flying so good
Still wishing they would kick me off the boring council

Yesterday I was:
Drinking Margaritas
Watching Emeril Live
Listening to the Killers
Doing laundry

5 snacks I enjoy the most:
Margarita Key Lime Pie
Ice Cream
Chicken Wings
Emeril’s Essence Flavored Shrimp
Super Pretzels

5 Songs I know all the words to:
Margaritaville- Jimmy Buffett
Mr. Brightside- The killers
The saga begins- Weird Al Yankovic
The Day the Sith all died- Jedi Council Chorus
Corellian National Anthem

5 ideal places to run away to:
Under the covers of my bed
The roof of the Jedi Temple
Kamino
Naboo Hotel and Spa
Margaritaville

5 items you will never see me wear:
Anything pink
Anything striped
Leather
A Bikini
Nothing at all

5 biggest joys in my life:
Jimmy Buffett
Emeril Live
My lucky headdress
Margaritas
Successfully training a Padawan

3 favorite toys:
My Lightsaber
My SC430 Starfighter (emerald green)
My Digital Camera (to take pictures of the crazy things going on in the temple)

5 tags: (I know some of you have already been tagged, Sorry)
Wolfie the dog
Qui-Gon
Leia
Yareal Poof
Solo

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Old Folks Home Part 2

Oh, my god. I can not believe it. MY EVIL GRANDMOTHER HAS BEEN MOVED TO CORUSCANT!!!! AAAHHHH!!!

And another thing, my Grammy HATES Jedi. She despises them beyond all reason. She thinks that the Jedi order is a stupid thing that sends silly people out to make people feel safe. But most Jedi are better than that. We fight evil doers, find people’s missing things, and go on reality television shows. I’ve argued this with her before, but it was a lost cause. She doesn’t even know I’m a Jedi. Until now.

I am one of very few Jedi that was allowed to keep in touch with my parents. I remember when my parents told me Grammy was going to move in with them. Almost 15 years ago. I was ordered by my parents to come home immediately so that she wouldn’t suspect something when I wasn’t there. I just barely get home to Corellia before she arrived, and almost didn’t have time to change out of my robes. After about a week, we told her that I had been specially selected to go to Coruscant to train to be a senate aid. She was happy, but warned me at length to stay away from Jedi. She never suspected a thing, until now.

So I got back to the temple, completely out of breath. I go to the main lift, push the button, and wait. But Obs must have pushed all of the buttons at once and jammed the lift again. So I was contemplating taking the stairs all the way up to my ninth floor rooms, when I hear the sound of a hover chair behind me. I look around quickly, and there she was. Grammy had followed me back to the Temple! She gave me the evil eye, and then started talking.

“Why, you little stinker. So this is the big secret that you have been hiding from me all these years. I knew there was something. I can’t believe it. My own granddaughter, a Jedi.”

She maneuvered her chair closer to me. “I have nothing more to say to you except that I hate you. You know that Jedi killed your Grandpa (He was smite by a mysterious dark Jedi. Police saw he was killed by a light saber and told my Grammy that a Jedi got him. I tried to explain it was a Sith, but she wouldn’t listen.) , and you became one any way you %*(#@!”

See what I mean? Not a very nice lady. But get this; right after she cussed at me, she went shot me the evil eye then PEPPER SPRAYED ME!!!! She actually pepper sprayed her own granddaughter, like I was a common criminal. God, I was in so much pain. Luckily I used the force to get it out. Some people just don’t appreciate it at all when people try to keep peace in the galaxy. Gees.

By the way, I finally got Jimmy Buffett’s newest book, A Salty Piece of Land. I ordered 6 months ago, but the shipments were delayed in the Dagobah system. Apparently the FedEx truck got stuck somewhere and wasn’t found for three weeks. Well, at least its here now.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Trip to the Old Folks Home (part 1)

Once a month Yoda goes on a wacko streak and decides that a Jedi needs to go to the Courscant old folk’s home and entertain the old folks. I guess he feels bad because they are definitely not as active as he is, although he is five times older than all of them. Unfortunately, this time it was my turn.
God, I hate the old folk’s home. I mean, nothing against old people, but you know some old folks are just crazy. I mean seriously crazy. I can see why their families don’t want to take care of them any more and stick them in that crazy home. The first thing that hits you as you walk in the door, is that horrible overwhelming perfume that old ladies like to take baths in. Yuck, that stuff always gives me a headache. So I walk in the door, mentally preparing myself for the overwhelming wave of perfume.
Well, I guess I got used to it pretty quick, because I didn’t notice it at all after that blind lady who was running around knocked me flat on my back. I was just standing at the information desk getting my visitors sticker, when the blind lady runs down the hall screaming “The Sith are coming!” and runs into me, then keeps going into the wall. Luckily she wasn’t going very fast so she only bruised herself a little bit. I was worse off then she was because I ended up on my back, then she stepped on me. But I am a Jedi, and fortunately I knew enough healing techniques that I didn’t have to feel the pain until I could get to a healer.
So, at that point I just wanted to turn around and go get some margaritas and tell Yoda that I just didn’t feel like playing with old people today (I couldn’t lie to him because he has connections at the home). But I know I would be put in charge of cleaning Kenobi’s bathroom at the Temple if I didn’t. (The cleaning people who come once a week to dust, vacuum, and clean bathrooms refuse to do Kenobi’s rooms. So since the stench gets to overwhelming after a while because Kenobi refuses to do it, we have to take turns cleaning it.) So I went to what the nurses call the “Family Room” where they park the old people so they can reminisce, and rant to each other instead of to the workers.
I go in there, and as usual it is really loud because nobody can ever remember to turn on their hearing aids. When I came in, everybody got real quiet, like they knew something they didn’t want me to know. I tried probing one old farts brain to see what all the silence was about, when I heard a soft padding of feet in orthopedic shoes coming up behind me. The old fart whose brain I was reading suddenly thought “uh, oh her she comes”. Then out of the blue an exceptionally loud voice behind me goes “Adi, darlin, is that you?”
Have you ever seen a Jedi run with the force behind every step? Well imagine that ten times faster, and you can imagine how fast I was running. I was wondering why Mom and Dad didn’t mention how my evil grandmother, Grammy, in their monthly family update. They had dumped her off at the old folks home!


(To be continued….)

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Sorry About That!

Sorry about that. I was setting up my new blog, when my cousin, Stass Gallia, came in to say hello and ask if I wanted to go out for coffee. Well, I had just gotten back from a top secret mission on the outer rim (also known as my Parrot Head meetings) so I was tired and thought, well coffee would be good.

Well we got coffee, then we accidentally passed by my favorite margarita place on the way back to the temple, and one thing led to another, and when I got home I was a little wozy and tried to type the lyrics to "Wastin away again in Margaritaville" blindfolded. I hate when relatives help you do something stupid, like singing Jimmy Buffett really loud to a karaoke set. Then after that, Obi-Wan came in to see what was going on, (his place is right next door) and we all sang the Winnie the Pooh theme song. I think Kenobi might have had one to many beers that night.

Well, this morning I woke up with a horrible headache and a interesting blog post. I think that perhaps I should set a better example for Stass. After all, she is twenty years younger. I think she is also a bad influence on me, because she is always telling me to act my age, yet only when I am with her do I do something stupid like drink too many margaritas.

Oh, my head!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

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